Do you think you might be a biscuit? This is actually a common phenomenon and our boffins here at WebBiscuit have devised a simple test you can use to lay all your doubts to rest.
Are you a Biscuit? Test
Allow yourself no more than 2 hours. Calculators are allowed. Try to answer all of the questions.
- Have a glance in the nearest mirror. How would you describe your complexion?
- Clear and smooth
- Green and leafy
- Caramel and bumpy
- Where do you live?
- Under a bridge
- Under the stairs in a sack with lots of other things that look a lot like me
- In the cupboard in a little packet with lots of other things that look a lot like me
- In which of these social situations would you feel most comfortable?
- Gyrating along and singing kareoke at the top of your voice, in nothing but a leopard skin thong and cowboy hat
- Buried beneath a Yorkshire pudding on a lazy Sunday afternoon, smothered in gravy
- Snuggled up against a steaming hot cup of tea
- Lick yourself. Go on! How does it taste?
- Clammy and sticky, but it’s not an altogether unpleasant experience
- Urgh! I taste disgusting!
- I taste sweet and delicious!
- Alright. Now take a bite out of yourself. How does that taste?
- It tastes like burning
- Urgh! I still taste disgusting!
- A little bit of me broke off in my mouth, and it is the most wonderful taste I have ever had! I must have more! *nom nom nom*
End of test!
Okay, now score yourself 0 points for every a, 1 point for every b and 2 points for every c. Here are your results:
0 – 4 – Species unidentified. Unfortunately we can’t really tell what you are, although there is a slight chance you may be a mouldy biscuit. Look out for this test in future episodes.
5 – 9 – Brussel Sprout. I have some bad news. You’re not a biscuit. You’re a vegetable.
10 – Biscuit. Horay! Congratulations, you are a biscuit! Tell all your friends!